Confessions of an anxious black woman
Have you ever been given an assignment by God but felt like you couldn’t do it? Not because you didn’t have the ability, but because you felt like you just didn’t have the right to. For as long as I could remember I’ve had dreams and visions of who I wanted to be, but I’ve always second guessed myself, thinking who am I to actually be successful?
We all have a past, that’s no secret but even after I put childish things aside committed to growth and gave my life over to God, I still sometimes feel like things in my past disqualify me from being who I am called to be.
Take this blog for example, my real assignment was to write a book called 'Confessions of an Anxious Black Woman' to help people like me get through the doubts and fears of everyday living from finances, parenting, relationships, religion etc. but me, an author? No way!
I don’t want to be an author, I don’t want people to know me, I don’t want the pressure of being someone people can look up to. At least that’s what I tell myself when I want to run from my purpose. The problem is I'm already a person people look up to come to for advice, to vent, to get inspiration, to plan a party…so why do I feel like I’m not good enough to be that for people all over the world?
How could I have the audacity to think people would recommend my blog, my merchandise, or my decorating services to others? How could I have the audacity to think that I could start a business, become wealthy, break generational curses? For so long it was called "shyness" and then I thought well it’s just social anxiety I’m fine as long as I'm in intimate settings with people I know and trust, but I’ve learned that anxiety has even held me back from me!
So How Do I Get Rid of Anxiety?
In my personal experience, anxiety never went away, I just learned how to replace thoughts of worry with the word of God. If you're struggling with anxiety, worrying about if you’re good enough, wondering if God is going to do what He said to you or showed you in a dream, no matter what it is maybe its financial troubles, I encourage to read Matthew 6:25-34 which tells us that God takes care of the everything He put in the Earth, so why would he leave you without?
Instead of worrying about what you don’t have seek to know God, pray, read his word, meditate, practice his principles, see that he always provides for you. Luke 12:25 asks us how worry adds a single moment to our lives?" It can’t! It actually takes away from our lives. Giving in to anxiety stops us from counting the many blessings that we receive daily the biggest one… Just being alive!
One thing that helps me when trouble arises, when unexpected finances come through, when insecurity creeps in. I immediately fix my mind on Godly things. I pray and I remind myself what’s real, what’s good, what God said in His word and then I forget all about the devil's tricks to keep me in a state of panic (Philippians 4:8)
I know it’s not much, but my prayer today is that as I share my story and my testimony that the person on the other side of this screen receives a message they needed to hear. I pray I can be a part of your testimony and you could be a part of mine.
This walk is not easy, and it is not instant but if we start somewhere and continue to practice it will become a lifestyle!
Stay blessed and remember to do everything in love (1 Corinthians 16:14)
Love, Eve
